Friday, January 20, 2012

l'amour du jour: The Unlost.

I, like millions of other twenty somethings, have made some questionable decisions. I have steered my life in numerous wrong directions. I have been lost, afraid, and fake. I think the worst of these is fake. I spent years pretending I was _____________ [insert anything really: cool, happy, certain of my future, fulfilled, shall I continue?] I am blessed to have an abnormally wonderful family and group of friends. So why couldn't I figure it out? The advice I sought was crappy. The summary? In your twenties, you need to: know what your life plan is, be financially stable, never be sad about ANYTHING, and find fulfillment in a man by being a little bombshell- by all means, not being yourself. Sound familiar to anyone?

I received so much positive feedback from THIS POST that I realized a lot of my readers were probably craving something more than pink sweaters and leopard pants. Don't get me wrong, I'll still write about those things. But those things aren't going to change your life.

I know that post was motivating for many, but just in case you want a little more guidance than a weirdo like me could ever provide, I'm sharing a very special site with you:
A good friend of mine, Therese, has a community called The Unlost. And what is beautiful about being one of The Unlost is that you can embrace BEING lost. Each Monday, Therese sends a weekly article straight to your inbox. Who should sign up for this? Well, straight from the site:

"If you’ve ever wondered what the hell you should do with your life, The Unlost is for you.
If you’ve ever felt fearful or heartbroken or absolutely alone, The Unlost is for you.
If you’re sick of being so damn fake, The Unlost is for you.
If questions are tugging at your soul and if dreams are whispering in your ear, The Unlost is for you."

Now, you may think I am biased because as I said, Therese is a friend. But what is really great is her and I have a lot of shared experiences, and we didn't even realize it. I think as humans, we feel awfully alone a lot. We feel like everyone out there is certain of their choices, certain of their future, and certain they are doing the right thing. We must be the only one who feels clueless. BUT, we're not. Reading the weekly Unlost article reminds me that my dreams can be reality, that life is an everchanging learning process, and that I AM ENOUGH. And that is pretty special. I wanted to leave you with an exerpt of an article from the site... that I know applies to a lot more people than just me. Enjoy:

"Am I the only one who finds it weird that not once in my “girlhood” did my friends or I mumble something like “Let’s go to the mall because I actually need to buy some boots” or “Let’s go to the baseball game and truly— um, pay attention” or “Let’s go out to the bars just because I want to get super f—d up” (oh, wait a second— I think that one happened). But in all seriousness, had I ever known a sense of my own self? Or was just about everything I did dependent upon seeking a guy’s reaction? It wasn’t just in my choice of social events, either— it was in everything, from the clothes that I wore to the words that I said to the way I carried myself. I had a classic case of what I like to call the WWAGT (“What Would A Guy Think”) Syndrome, perpetuated by Cosmo magazine and MTV and— well, every single woman I’d ever idolized (including Britney Spears and her red hot catsuit outfit). “What would a guy think of these jeans? Of this dress? What would a guy think if I got straight A's??” Without ever really realizing it, I found myself asking these questions at every turn. Somehow, men had become what defined me. If they saw worth in me, I saw worth in myself, although it was a false sort of worth— the kind that was based on a carefully groomed exterior and not from the true self within. And if they didn’t— well, neither did I. It was as if I had a radar pointing constantly outward, searching, seeking, scanning for my next source of definition, as if I were saying, “Tell me who I am” (and it’d better be “Dayumm. Girl. Sexy.”). Power, as it turned out, was to have the approval of dudes. It was to be Fergalicious, bootylicious, so delicious. I didn’t see that I had it all wrong, though— that in seeking this approval, I was in fact turning over my power. I couldn’t see that in revolving my life around someone else’s opinions and reactions and standards, I was actually experiencing the ultimate loss of power— I was allowing my very center to lie outside of myself. This, my friends, is the Great Cosmo Hoax: that in living our lives based around men, we are in fact turning over the very power and magnetism and love that we believe we’re receiving."

For the rest of that article, click here. I am glad someone has realized we can all forge our own paths and lead great lives. If you feel like you could benefit, visit The Unlost or LIKE it on Facebook. The relief you feel when you understand you don't need to struggle into the mold anymore will astound you.

Photo Credit by Helga Weber

1 comment:

  1. KELLI THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL! Not because of the nerdy picture of me (which applies to ALL pictures of me, really, but especially to this one where I have my pet bird from FIFTH GRADE on my shoulder and which I for some reason willingly share with the world), but because of how much truth and realness and YOU-ness that you share. YOU FREAKING GET IT! Excuse my caps, but you do.

    And I think that when you realize... when you realize that you "don't need to struggle into the mold anymore," and when you finally come to understand that you really AREN'T alone and that being fake really ISN'T normal... when you finally accept your own unique awesomesauce and come to realize that "YOU ARE ENOUGH"... that's when you start putting awesome shit out into the world like THIS BLOG. And that's when people start noticing how awesome it is. And how awesome YOU are, as if they didn't know already.

    SO honored to be mentioned on Leopard & Lavender. Pink sweaters + leopard pants + a dose of much-needed truth? I'm all in.