So, when we first got engaged - I was under the impression that I'd be blogging throughout the planning process. (It's like a dream excuse for constant blog content.) Now, basically 10 months later, I haven't posted a single thing about our upcoming nuptials. (Insert awkward whistling.)
You see, it turns out I am an anti-bride. I am totally shocked, appalled, unsettled... FREAKED OUT... by this news. When I was little, I had a wedding gown in my "dress up box." (It was adorable.) On a road trip with my youth group in 9th grade, I pored over my leader's bridal magazines - even going as far to rip out a picture of my "dream dress." (It was really similar to this.) When a coworker got married in college, I offered to help with every single detail - from choosing centerpieces to making sure the music was queued for the first dance. Given my track record, I sort of assumed that I'd basically be J.Lo - headset and all.
A few weeks after we'd gotten back from Mexico, I curled up with my first stack of bridal magazines. I had patiently waited for this moment (I'm against planning a wedding - or even so much as pinning a pin - before you meet the groom) and was ready to savor every single detail. Yet, page after page, I felt the frustration build that the events and tips featured were so... girly. Pinks and purples and sequins galore, no event seemed like it was quite a fit for our big day. Every featured wedding looked like a darn Easter egg. Maybe it's because Tim is an artist and has opinions on these things, and quite frankly - better taste than I do. But I just knew that a pastel wedding with macarons at every place setting would be inappropriate and so not us. It'd be beautiful, but not "us." As I neared the end of the first magazine, I felt a little discouraged and let my brain shut down on all things wedding. I put the topic on the back burner, where it (occasionally) still resides.
Pair that experience with wedding dress shopping, which I'll dive into more on a later day, and I was off to a rough start.
I kept avoiding planning the details, but slowly got the larger pieces put into place. We have the date set (June 13), a venue (my dad's lavender farm), a dress (it's white, and not the one I linked to above), a caterer, an officiant, my dream photographers, and a general idea of the vibe we've got in mind. Most of the large, important things are in place. But when it comes to the things that took serious thought and work - guest list, save the dates, invitations, tables & chairs, what time the ceremony should start - I would start to panic and think "OH... I'll just do it another day." And the days passed and suddenly it was Christmas and I felt like we had done nothing. I never actually pictured what it really meant to plan a wedding, and I especially never considered that I'd dislike it.
I think I've avoided blogging about this because I'm almost ashamed to admit this has been the case. I'm an editor, a stylist, an obsessive aesthete - shouldn't I be foaming at the mouth for this stuff? Really, though, I finally realized it's okay that I'm not. A wedding isn't just a pretty party or a photo shoot. It's 2 people who are publicly vowing their love for each other. And also becoming a new family. And also dancing. And at the end of the day, I just cannot wait to be Tim's wife - whether the wedding is awesome or not.
I've still got this looming cloud over my head - like I'm overlooking the importance of escort cards or that by not hiring a DJ, I am going to have complete chaos during the reception. But I also finally have that burst of excitement and have felt more enticed to focus on the little details that will make the day special for us and our guests. On June 13, I am going to be Tim's wife - new last name and all. (And on Wednesday, the Save the Dates will be mailed... only 2 months late.)
For my married readers, did you ever encounter similar feelings? Or did you love the planning process? Would love to hear about your experiences!
[Image Credit: Elisabeth Marzetti for Love My Dress]